Let Him Go
by Moment For Life
Summary: After seeing her love for the first time in eight years, Rose's heart and head are in two completely different places. (Edited and re-written June 2018)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one.**

Her head and her heart were completely separated.

Her head, which was the only logical part of her, was genuinely happy; ecstatic to see him so – elated. The smile on his face seemed to reach his eyes. She remembered that smile so well. The way he had made her smile and how everything had seemed perfectly all right. How he had held her, then smiled, he had been happy. **With her.**

Her heart, however, was the opposite. It was torn completely, already weakened from the years of torment, heartache and time spent weeping herself to sleep – all for one man. The one man she had fallen for completely and utterly.

It had been eight years. They say time heals such things but time had done nothing for twenty-five year old Rose Dawson, nor had volunteering as a nurse in the violent, terrible war. Her work had taken her right to the centre of the action in France. Every man she feared would be him, every face she checked and every nightmare which came to her each night. She had never healed. The ghosts had never gone. Instead they came back to her night after night. His face smiling at her, loving her and becoming part of her every day.

She had left him on a freezing night eight years previous, stood watching as she left a sinking ship on a lifeboat which he had ordered her to climb aboard and then he had disappeared from her sight and died – or so she had thought. For five whole years she had mourned him. The life they could have shared, those precious moments and how he had promised her everything which she had ever wanted. He had taught her everything about the world, about how to live, to dance and how to fall in love. He had opened her eyes to a completely different way of life, how to not be everything which her education had taught her growing up. Her body had succumbed to him, she had given herself to him and he to her. She had made a decision, to leave her family and her entire world to join him in his. She had been willing and she had expected to step off a ship with him in New York City ready to spend the rest of their lives together. **Just them.**

Those three days which they had spent together had become engraved into her memory on replay until one day, four days before US Congress announced they would be joining the war which had been raging in Europe for three years; she had opened a newspaper and there he was – as an artist, with his picture in front of her. He was based in Sunny Santa Monica and then the war happened. For almost two years the knowing that he was out there ate at her. Joining the war ensured they were on the same page, he would no doubt be fighting but their paths never crossed...until now.

 **June 7** **th** **1920**

He touched her face, their heads together. Tears pricked in Rose's eyes and that sinking feeling in her tummy turned to a dull ache. She leant against an unlit gas-lamp for support, her eyes were unwavering. She knew that looking at him would cause her insides to crush even more, for her heart to fall even more into her stomach, for her head to completely fall to where her heart was. Had he looked at her the same way he looked at this woman?

Those beautiful blue eyes which she had fallen into so deeply now looked into the darker eyes of another woman. She had been in love with him, she still was and yet in her naïve mind she had collected images of a broken man who had mourned for her too. She had thought of him broken down, downing bottles of whatever he would get his hands on. She wanted him to mourn her just as she had him for so long. Even after finding out that he had lived, after seeing his face...

The woman was lovely, her skin tanned from the sun, dark hair and freckles. His hand tucked a loose curl away and with that Rose turned her eyes away. It was too much. It would be something which would remain engraved in her mind for a long time. She allowed herself one glance back to them in their own world where no one existed but the other. She had been in this world with him. The world which he had shown her to be in, encouraged her to leave her own world for and she had been more than willing to give everything up for him. And so she had.

She took a deep cleansing breath and turned on her heel to leave. This was more than she could take seeing. She had spent eight years thinking of this moment, planning it and picturing what it could be like in her head but not once had it been like this. But then stopped. Where could she go?

She had returned to Santa Monica hoping to find him. In her mind, he would see her and then hold his arms out to her and she would welcome them around her like nothing before. She ached for them. Even remembering everything so vividly was painful, yet she couldn't help but watch, for him been in her sight after so long was wonderful. To witness him in the flesh, to see his movements...

A glass of wine for courage would have gone down nicely but yet somehow she already felt drunk on adrenaline. On the thought that he could still welcome her with open arms. That he could still love her.

Before she knew it, she was walking towards Jack Dawson.

 **This chapter is a little short as it is more like a prologue. The next ones will be longer.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**One**_ _of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else. -Unknown_

Chapter two:

Rose was dazed. The warm June sun hit her pale face softly. Jack Dawson hadn't seen her as he stood on the great pier of Santa Monica. The very one which he had made plans with Rose: to teach her to spit like a man from the rail, to take her fishing and to ride a horse in the surf. She shifted those memories from the front of her mind. They were not important for they were now in the past. She concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.

Her waist length auburn hair billowed in the lovely breeze which she welcomed to splash across her warm face. Within a couple of feet she would see him fully. His girl stood with her back to Rose and she couldn't help but scan her eyes up and down the length of her as she stood so casually happy. Beneath Rose's sea green dress her body shook as much as it had the first night he had held her.

Nothing about this man had changed. His hair was shorter than she remembered, his body was thicker and perhaps his eyes were a little bit wiser. She slowed her pace as she approached and her eyes didn't leave his – not even when his eyes left the girl and landed on a pair he never thought he would see again. Rose stopped right before them. With a trembling heart she blinked away any moisture from her eyes.

''Good morning,'' she spoke cheerily. Her wide smile was genuine.

She saw Jack's mouth form into an 'o.' Those eyes she had known so well had widened and then his right arm, which had been tucked around his girl fell limply to his side.

''M-morning.'' He stuttered in return, his eyebrows were raised. He began to laugh and so did she. What else could she say?

''How are you?''

Jack bent his legs, cupping his hands over his knee caps. She imagined this would be like a blow to the stomach.

''I'm-'' He ran his fingers through his hair. She knew he was at a loss for words.

Rose's legs felt as though they had weakened. She wanted him to put his arms around her and to hold her-but he didn't.

''I am good,'' he managed, ''how have you been?''

''Good!'' She exclaimed, lying through her teeth. That was all that she could manage. His surprise had ensured her heart sank and she felt her breathing become shallow.

''It's just been so long. I thought-'' His face fell serious. ''I though you were-'' he couldn't finish the sentence as he struggled with something. He was silent for a moment.

''No I am all right.'' She smiled weakly. ''For eight years I have been all right.''

That was her way of letting him know that she had survived. She was here before him wanting to say so much more than she could and inside it was slowly eating away at her. She had so much building up and yet it would have to continue to do so. He wasn't alone.

Jack exhaled slowly.

''Darling?''

Jack turned to her. Louise. Rose took her eyes away from Jack for the first time since she had seen him again. She was tall, lithe and beautiful. The way his eyes fell on her made Rose feel something, jealous.

''Hello.'' Rose smiled politely. ''Forgive my rudeness.''

''Louise, this is my...old friend, Rose.''

Louise naively smiled. She was back encircled in Jack's arms.

''Hello.''

''Rose, this is Louise, she is my fiancée.''

Rose felt the burn in her nose and then her eyes. ''Oh my,'' she glanced between Louise and Jack, She, the perfect, lovely wife to be and him, the only love of her life. ''When will you marry?''

''Thursday.'' Louise girlishly watched Jack, her hand threading his.

''Yes,'' he confirmed, ''Thursday.''

''Three days.'' Rose counted. ''Well I offer my congratulations.'' Her eyes fell onto Jack. ''Sincerely.''

''Thank you.'' He loosened his grip on Louise.

''Would you come?'' Louise asked.

Rose's mouth fell open. ''Well, I don't think I can. I am busy. I am sorry. I will ensure to send a bouquet.'' She offered with a smile. As each second passed she was hurting a little bit more. The sun seemed hotter on her face.

''What a lovely gesture.''

Rose nodded to Louise. ''Well I actually must go.''

Jack could sense how difficult this was. ''Must you go right away?''

''Yes.'' She told him and she offered nothing more. She had seen and heard enough already, too much. It had twisted the knife in just a little bit further.

Louise was a lovely, bright young girl worthy of Jack, a wonderful life with him. From the way her eyes fell on Jack, Rose knew Louise was deeply in love with him.

''It was nice to meet you.'' She told Louise, genuinely. She was grateful to have met the woman who had stolen her love's heart.

''You too.'' Louise smiled. Her hand sliding in Jack's. Rose felt her eyes begin to burn.

''Jack...'' she exhaled slowly. She knew this would be the last time she saw him. She wouldn't stay in Santa Monica, she couldn't witness him become another woman's husband and she wouldn't allow herself anymore time to think of him.

''Well, goodbye.''

She meant it and with a smile she turned to leave the pier. She didn't let him respond, nor did she see his face. It took about four steps before the tears began to fall. She kept one foot in front of the other and did nothing to clear her blurred vision. She felt dizzy, sick and the foolish, idiotic notion that Jack would have been alone for all of these years fell from her mind. He loved another. The other loved him and so did Rose.

The salty sea air which she once welcomed seemed to sting her face as it blew. She quickly wiped her face as she approached the end of the pier she felt her stomach sink. She mentally told herself to return to her hotel room, collect her belongings and go straight to the train station and to not stop to think of anything. She continued on her way, thinking of nothing except putting one in front of the other. She had resisted a look back at the sea, the beautiful view, the ballroom, the rollercoaster, the pier and _them._ She felt her heart beating so fast that it made her breathing become erratic.

''Rose?''

She stopped.

Her breathing did too.

Dare she turn to find it was her own imagination playing a cruel trick on her?

She found him in front of her before she had taken the chance to move.

''Jack?'' Her voice was hoarse, her lips had suddenly become dry.

Her eyes flashed around them and Jack knew why.

''Louise went on home.'' He told he quietly. She found the strength to gaze at him. His left hand came up suddenly to her cheek, stroking away the stray fallen tears and then his fingers moved upwards to her eyes, stroking along the lash-line. She felt her breathing stop, her heart soar and as she opened her eyes she knew that he was aware of her tears for him.

''Goodbye?'' He hadn't moved his hand. Oh how his hand felt so familiar, causing her heart to ache so much. ''Eight years...two minutes and then goodbye?''

She tried to find the words, anything to make this better and to find an incredible lie to pull out of her book to make everything seem as though she was all right and that she truly meant how happy she was for him.

''You're going to be married.'' She exhaled. At that moment another tear came. She wiped her own face. ''I am so sorry, today hasn't been an easy day-'' She told him, smiling through her tears.

He shoved his hands into his pockets.

''Rose, I thought-I didn't know where or how? I thought you had gone.''

''I thought so too, then I saw the papers.'' She glanced at the ground. His stare was too intense to meet. ''That was before the war.''

''Right.''

''I came here to find you and then I went to Europe. I was a nurse out there. I had hoped to see you.''

She felt foolish for confessing such a thing. She couldn't help but notice how little he had changed, how he was still the same and how his presence still intoxicated her. Every second near him she fell a bit more when she had tried so hard to dig herself out. He tucked his hair from his face once more. She couldn't watch him anymore.

She went to walk past him and to continue on her way back to the hotel but his hands grasped her shoulders and soon she was encased in his arms. Just as she had wanted to be all of these years. She couldn't stop her tears...he smelt the same, his touch hadn't changed and she never wanted to leave.

''Don't.'' She sobbed. ''Don't hold me if you plan to let me go.''

He pulled her into his body even more and she cried into his shirt. She cried for everything. For the eight years she had lost, for the sight of him with another girl and everything in between.

''I can't stay,'' he whispered to her, ''but will you meet me later?''

She pulled away from him. He was asking her to see him again? Before she could think it over she was nodding. Her head had followed her heart and she was fully in love with him again.

''9pm by the Carousel?''

She glanced back to the Pleasure pier at the building which sat next to the ''Yes.''

He nodded as he hesitantly let go of her. ''I will see you then.''

Then he was gone again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three:

The sun was just setting and to say it was a summer night the narrow thin pier was completely empty so when she saw his lone figure sat at the very end of the pier she knew it was him. She walked past the Carousel. Her hair billowed in the slight wind as she made her way to him. The pier had never felt as long. Her heart beat so fast and her breathing was unsteady.

She had changed into another light pink and peach dress and ensured her teary eyes had dried. She promised she would cry no more. Not over the same thing. Tonight she would find closure.

As she approached and grew closer he must have heard her footsteps as he had stood and placed his hand in his pockets. She watched her feet and it seemed to take forever to reach him. When she got to him, it was then she had realised he was fishing at the edge of the pier. She smiled a little.

''Hello.'' He greeted her.

''Hello, Jack.''

She glanced down at the fishing rod and tin of maggots sat on the pier. ''Fishing?''

''Yeah, it's a good time once all the folk go home. Its quiet. I love it out here.''

The sky was a brilliant picture of watercolours and beneath it stood Jack and Rose. She pushed away any thoughts of the last sunset they had stood beneath. How he had kissed her. Her _first_ kiss. Her only love.

Within seconds she had gone into that world where only she and Jack existed. The world which she never wanted to leave.

''The waters cool up here which you wouldn't imagine but-'' he watched as she had trailed off somewhere.

She retreated back to the present and found Jack smiling at her, amused.

''So where is Louise?''

Jack's smile faded a little.

''Come on, one of us had to mention her.''

Jack ignored the fact that he had been mid sentence. He pressed his lips together. ''She is at home, with her father.''

Rose raised her head slowly. ''All right.''

Jack sensed the same awkwardness hit them as earlier. Rose turned to walk around the side of the pier. She leant over the side. She felt she had to put some distance between them. They could both feel something there between them. Their eyes met but then they looked away, the power too much for both of them. But they didn't know what it was. Jack began to back away from her and then he removed his rod from the water and placed it on the decking of the pier. She realised he had more to say, this vibe between them felt much more different than it had done before. It was so much stronger and seemed to be drawing her closer and closer to him. She began to back towards the rail in order to get more distance. She felt so tight and breathless. He came towards her a little; he didn't know what to say.

''Oh God Rose.'' He whispered.

He hadn't thought of anything for a while other than her, she had been in his head since the first day he had met her and now it seemed to be coming to a head. His feelings were almost too big and too much for him to control. He stepped closed to her, running his fingers through his hair.

''Don't come closer.'' She held out her hand to him as a warning. ''We both know you need to stay away. We-we know.'' She was close to tears when she remembered her own promise to herself.

He knew that she was acknowledging something too. There was so much between them. It was like an electric buzz growing louder and louder and getting stronger and stronger until it was deafening to them. They didn't know if it would go away or if it would continue. The only way it grew weaker was when they stepped closer to each other. She came towards him just once, a small and hesitant step. She was so lost in his face, those eyes that she trusted so much. He couldn't stop looking at her, everything about her was real. She was here. In _their_ place. His heartbeat grew stronger and quicker. He threw caution to the wind and placed his left hand on the flat of her face, she closed her eyes for just a second to take in the moment. He stroked it against her soft skin, she felt the flutters, the beautiful feeling which she knew she would only ever have with Jack.

''Do-do you love her?'' She whispered.

She hated herself for even asking such a question. She didn't know what the answer was but she needed to know. He was here, with Rose and not with the woman he was to marry in three days...

Jack was taken aback by her question. He hesitated as he took in her face, the pretty features which he had kept locked away in head. The face which had pulled him through the cold, cruel war. He shook his head.

''Not as much as I should.'' He glanced at his own boots. Anything to distract him from his own truth. ''I never loved her like I did you.''

Rose bit the inside of her lips. He removed his hand from her face. ''But you're right,'' he sighed, ''I shouldn't be so close to you.''

''Then why are you?'' She felt a warm tear trickle roll down her face. She was holding so much more back but she needed to know what he thought. She couldn't allow him to see just how broken she was inside and how much she needed him. She had to know what was inside his head.

''Because you are here, alive. I cannot walk away from that.''

She squeezed her eyes closed, leaning against him. She didn't want him to talk but she was glad he did.

''I was in love with you.''

''Jack, this is impossible.'' She tried to push him away but she couldn't. He made her weaker.

''I love you.'' He told her. The words she had wanted to hear for eight long, hard years. He was engaged to be married to another woman and yet that fact was irrelevant at this moment in time. He loved her. She wanted to push him so far away from her and tell him to go to his girl and to learn to love her but there was a force stronger pulling her to him.

Jack was so open and real and not like anyone she has ever known. That was what she had missed the most during their time apart. This was the moment she had played over and over in her head. The one which she pictured would be the most perfect moment in her life. It felt like something from a dime novel she had read, the ones that really ache your heart. This was the one thing which she had wanted for so long and yet now it was happening she felt as though it shouldn't be.

''You're making this very hard.''

He placed his palm on her cheek again and she prayed that he would not kiss her for she would not be able to stop. She was scared of what would happen of how strong her feelings would grow. She was terrified already. She touched his hand for a moment, keeping the warmth and trying to capture the moment in her head, to keep the memory and to remember just how perfect this moment felt. Was this what love felt like? The intensity of a single stare was magnificent.

''Do you not love me?''

She pressed her eyes closed and felt them sting. ''Of course I do. I always did.''

''I know.''

''I don't want you to go, Jack.''

Jack came to her side and took her left hand in his. She felt a few tears escape her eyes and he brushed them away. Their eyes met and he smiled to her almost melting her entire body. Jack closed his eyes feeling her so close to him, her hair tickling him ever so slightly and her breathe on his skin. He held her face with both of his trembling hands and stroked her cheek.

''You don't know how much you mean to me.'' He whispered to her and she smiled a small smile back to him, feeling herself tremble. He felt her hands move up his back and stroke the back of his hair softly. He leant forward slightly and closed his eyes for a second feeling their closeness, he opened them to look at Rose and saw her eyes closed and it was then he knew what he had to do. He leant towards her more and opened his mouth slightly and planted a small kiss on her lips, something which sent sparks through both of them. Rose opened her eyes and Jack felt her eyelashes flutter on his cheek and he glanced at her.

''You have just made this so much harder.'' She whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**

Her hair spread out along her pillow, she reached out to the empty side of the bed. It was cold. No one had slept there but she had dreamt that they had.

The sunlight poured through the window of the hotel which she had decided to stay in, just one more night. That night had passed. She swung her legs out of bed, her nightdress becoming tangled around her limbs. She sighed, frustrated, at her own life. Her head was a heavy mess. Her face felt tight and her eyes stung. Her body was achy and she felt older, much older than her years. She daren't look at her own reflection for fear of what would be facing back at her.

She found a bowl of water which she had prepared the evening before to wash her face in. The water did nothing to make her feel better. A towel was lay next to the bowl and she dried her face feeling the roughness drag over the sensitive skin. She was cross legged, she dragged her body to the window so she could see outside. The curtain blew back in a light breeze. Outside people went about their daily life, people walking to work, to the beach or just a morning stroll. She felt a pull in her heart, she wasn't a part of that – nor would she ever be. When she had returned here, she had pictured becoming part of this daily life and finding herself there, with Jack. But now...

Two days. That's how long until Jack would be marrying his love. She squeezed her eyes closed and dragged back the curtains. She couldn't face anything, not just yet. She felt numb and empty. She collapsed back onto the bed. She was tired.

…

Jack went to the pier, to the beach and then he walked the length of the promenade four times before the heat began to swelter him.

He took shade at a bar. A beer was a welcome taste at this moment. He sat surrounded by a cloud of his own smoke. He hadn't seen any sign of her and he was angry at himself for expecting to. He hadn't felt this depressed since the end of the war. His head fell into his hands. Jack had left the house before Louise had risen and had returned the night before after she had gone to bed. He was drowning in his own guilt and yet all he wanted was Rose. He _needed_ to see her. Rose had mentioned that she was staying at a hotel in town. There were dozens of them in the area. He didn't hesitate as he drank the last of his beer. He would knock on the door of every damned hotel to find her if he had to.

…

The soft summer breeze blew her tendrils gently. The waft of sort summer flowers filled the air. The waves gently lapped onto the short of the pure white beach. Her heart felt as though it was to break in two.

This had once been a place which she held in her head, the place which she envisioned arriving at with a suitcase in her hand and a brilliant smile. A place where she could be happy, based on the memories of her and Jack. She had dreamed of it for so long that when she had actually arrived it was almost a sacred place. One which she feared wouldn't exist. All of the sights, the places which Jack had spoken of all of those years ago and now they were within her line of vision and with a racing heart she had known that Jack was here also. Before she had seen him, met his fiancée...

She found herself taking deep breath's to steady herself and not allow cry once more. She had spent far too long doing that.

''This is goodbye.'' She whispered to herself, to the ocean air and to Santa Monica. With a couple of tears in her eyes, she let them flow.

What was it about this place which seemed so filled with love and happiness all around her? It seemed to taunt, to hurt and now she knew it would forever be ingrained in her heart but for all of the wrong reasons. She missed the naivety and the loneliness of her life before she had seen Jack again, purely because this pain was too much to bear. Almost as much as losing him to the ocean. When she had believed him to be dead, she forced herself to go on...to live, with his memory in her heart but since knowing of his survival, she had ached, lived and died each day a little more.

She shuddered in the warm breeze. She wasn't even cold. She was just weak.

She let her mind wander back to the evening before. He had kissed her. He had wanted her. Yet, he hadn't come to her and he certainly hadn't mentioned ending his engagement. Eight years previous, she had been in the exact same situation and she remembered just how easy that decision to leave her family, her wealth and her entire life behind for one mind she had barely known a few days. The one man she had loved all of these years. The one man she had loved all of her life. And that was one decision which she had never regretted. Giving it all up, for him, just on a whim was the easiest decision which she had made. She had given him everything in just those last few hours. Exposed herself so openly, showed him her love and opened herself for him, fully. It was just there and then, that she had made the decision that she would live out her life with him.

Rose didn't know where Jack was, where he lived, who Louise even was. Was she so deserving of such a man? She cursed herself for being so foolish, of course she would be! She found herself picking at reasons why he shouldn't be with Louise and she found none. She was beautifully innocent and sweet.

The situation was toxic. Her own mind poisoning herself. She closed her eyes for a second and then watched out at the distance where the ocean met the sky in one faint blue line.

''This is it.''

She had packed the few belongings which she had fetched to Santa Monica into the small suitcase which sat beside her feet. She bent down to pick it up and she held it in her right hand. It was heavier than she remembered as though it was carrying the woes away which she hadn't arrived with.

Something was pulling her back, something telling her to leave. Her feet couldn't move. Then, her senses picked up on something else. A presence. She turned her head quickly.

 _Jack_

Her mouth was suddenly dry. Her head dizzy and the suitcase fell from her hand and landed on the pier with a thud and she didn't even realise. She still didn't move, she didn't need to as he moved quickly towards her. He looked tired, dishevelled and she didn't care. She just needed to see him. To hear what he said.

''Rose,'' he came closer, eyeing up the suitcase next to her, ''you're leaving?''

''Yes.'' She swallowed hard. ''I thought this place would hold a lot for me but it turns out there is nothing.

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. ''I've been looking for you all morning.''

Rose narrowed her eyes at him. ''For what?''

He pressed his lips together. This was his chance to tell her everything. How he felt and what he wanted. Yet nothing came out. He thought of Louise, she was clueless. Innocent. Nothing would even come out. He couldn't focus. Her face right there, surrounded by the sea breeze was just beautiful.

Rose shook her head. ''For nothing?''

Jack exhaled quickly. ''For everything. There is so much to say to you and yet I don't know how to. I cannot start at the beginning because that began eight years ago and now we're here.''

''Yes, we are.''

Jack glanced past Rose out at the same blue ocean which he had stared at night after night for months and months thinking of Rose and how much she would love it here, how they would live their life out. He had versioned out their life's together, thought of what would happen next, where they would go...and now, it wasn't even slightly close to what he had put inside his own head.

''I love you,'' he said simply, ''I should have said so back then.''

''And, now, you love another, also.''

Jack sighed, 'I love-I care about her. I-I pictured my life with her in a way I never thought I could, not after you.''

The words were like bullets, slow and painfully burying themselves into Rose's stomach, her heart and shattering her bones making sure that she was brutally hurt more and more.

''Then, I cannot be selfish.'' Rose found some strength from somewhere as the blood drained out of her lifeless veins. ''Marry her, be happy.''

''But, I can't just let you go.''

He went to reach out to her but she pulled back.

'No, Jack. Last night proved we cannot be trusted with each other. There is no friendship. It was all or nothing. I have nothing here, you have something.''

Jack pressed his lips together, trying to find the words.

''I have to go.''

He grasped her arm, thrusting her backwards. His lips were on hers before she could even speak. She tried to back away but she couldn't, he had restrained her and not with his force but just with his kiss. She failed so badly to resist and so she relaxed against him. Her lips moving against his. The exploration of each other's mouths was way overdue.

''This, this is what I want.'' He told her breathlessly, between kisses. ''Just this.''

She closed her eyes. Her faith in him restoring, her heart slightly healing.

''Then, come with me.''

Jack stroked her face. ''Go where?''

''Wherever we can.'' She smiled against his cheek. ''Just us.''

Jack sagged his shoulders. ''I cannot just leave.''

Rose frowned, pulling away from him. ''Why not?''

''I just-I need time-time to break it to Louise, to her family.''

Rose swallowed hard, her eyes already becoming moist and alarm bells ringing so loudly she was almost dead. She let go of him, dropping him as though he was poisonous. The healing of her heart slowly came away, bleeding out again.

''You mean she doesn't already know? You kissed me!''

''No, she knows nothing and I cannot just leave for that reason.''

Rose shook her head, feeling foolish. ''I cannot just wait around for you to end your engagement, Jack! If you loved me enough then it wouldn't be so hard.'' She picked up for suitcase. This time she clutched it so tightly her knuckled were white. ''When I left Cal, it wasn't hard. It was the easiest decision I have ever made, not because of what I was leaving behind but for what I was giving it up for. For you!''

Jack tried to come closer but she refused.

''No!'' She held her hand up to him, shaking visibly. It stopped him, mid stride. ''Marry her, Jack. Please. Just marry her.''


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

Thursday...

Happiness surround Jack everywhere; it was almost as though it was taunting him. Jack left the park and found himself on a main road. He dodged past horse drawn carts, women and children making their way to the park with a picnic basket in tow, men heading to a business lunch and the occasional slow driving automobile.

He thrust his hands into his pockets as he walked, putting his head down. He thought of how he had ended up in this place. How was Santa Monica now this dark place? Now that she had gone. It felt as though he had fallen into deep mud and couldn't get out, no matter how hard he tried and fought with his teeth and nails to get out.

Wedding bells rang. He knew what day it was. He would marry Louise. He stood across from St. Agnes' church. It was beautiful with high ceilings and steeped in history. There would be no more than five attendees. Louise's father, his brother, Louise's uncle and any others he didn't know.

Sickness threatened in the bottom of his stomach, he finished the cigarette he was smoking. It was still something which calmed his nerves. He moved his hair from his eyes in order to catch a better glimpse. Louise would be here soon. His bride.

 _Fuck._

He rubbed his own face.

It wasn't the fact he didn't want to marry. It was the fact he knew that he shouldn't. But he knew he had to. He had promised her and her father that much.

 _Three months previous_

 _''There isn't long left.'' Louise told Jack, her lip beginning to quiver. ''The cancer, its slowly taking over him.''_

 _Jack touched her face, her chin and then her cheek. She was so young, too young to lose a parent. Just like he had._

 _''Oh, I'm sorry.''_

 _Louise nodded, she needed to feel his touch, his comfort. ''It isn't your fault.''_

 _Jack felt his heart sink into his chest. He had never seen her like this, not in the four months they had been dating. She was such a vibrant and beautiful girl. ''He thinks I won't be looked after. He fears leaving me when he goes.''_

 _Jack moved in front of her, he took her hands in his and squeezed them ever so tightly. ''Louise, look at me.''_

 _Her eyes met his._

 _''I promise, I will never allow you to be alone whilst he is here or when he can no longer be with us.'' He took a deep breathe. ''I cannot stop the cancer, I cannot stop his pain but I can love you.''_

 _''Jack-''_

 _''Louise, will you marry me?''_

She had said 'yes.' He had told her that he loved her, he had done nothing but love her, just not the way he should have done. Her father was frail, he helped to look after him with Louise and that was why he just couldn't leave. Not right away.

He wanted another cigarette.

The burning in his chest grew more evident and tighter. He gripped his chest to stop himself from coughing or choking. He ignored the urge to smoke and he went inside the church from which he would emerge from a married man. Chained and married.

The steps felt large and long, the doors swamped him and suddenly the sun disappeared and it was dark and cool. His suit dug into his neck, the lump in his throat just wouldn't leave. He moved quickly to the front of the church, he didn't bother taking in the surrounding. The seats, the huge cross, the holy books and everything else just fizzled into the background. He stood facing the alter and he wouldn't turn until Louise was right there next to him. Perhaps, seeing her would put everything into perspective. He would take one look at her and Rose would be in the past, where she belonged. His love for her would start to feel less and less over time. It had to.

He shuffled his weight from foot to foot. His hands thrust behind his back, twitching. He stood alone. There was no person stood with him, a best man, a father or even a figure of some importance. For he had nobody. He closed his eyes for a moment.

 _''You promise that you'll love me for the rest of your life?'' Louise asked, ever so shyly. She lay in his arms on the beach._

 _''Of course, I will.'' He kissed her forehead as they both turned back to gazing at the sun._

Jack heard the pattering of feet, the clacking of shoes and as he opened his eyes he saw a vicar had appeared in front of him. A copy of the Holy Bible in his hands.

''Nervous, boy?'' He smiled. ''I see many a boy standing here, eyes closed, dithering with nerves but once they are married; they leave this church a man.''

Jack felt his stomach sink. ''I hope so.''

He wasn't nervous for the right reasons. He itched to turn but he knew he shouldn't.

''We should proceed in a few minutes.''

Jack nodded. He shifted his weight about again. Time seemed to be going so slowly. From the noise behind and small whispers, he knew the few guests had arrived and that they would witness this marriage. They would see the lies which he was about to tell a young girl. Was he doing the right thing? Rose had left him, making herself perfectly clear. She refused to stay here. Before Jack could explain himself to her she had ran from the pier and not looked back. He tried to stop her but she had fought him harder than before and that was when he knew just how serious she was. She didn't want him. They were toxic for each other, in so many ways and yet, so right in another way.

A tinkle of the piano brought Jack back to the present. A door closed. That was it. Louise was here. The wedding march started up and Louise begun her walk down the aisle to her Jack, on the arm of Alf, her frail father.

It was a slow walk but only because Alf struggled to take many steps without feeling weak and dizzy. After a minute or so, Louise was placed beside Jack. He turned and saw her before him. She was dressed in pure white. A stunning laced number which was fitted at the waist and flowed out to her feet. He had known she had made the short veil herself and had spent months perfecting it. Guilt bubbled in the pit of Jack's stomach.

''Louise-'' He struggled to breathe.

''Jack.'' She smiled shyly, he saw beneath the veil. She held out her hand to him and he shakily took it. Why was her hand so dainty? Like it wasn't meant to fit in his. He concentrated on his breathing and all of the love which he felt for her. He was sure he loved her.

''Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in Paradise, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined...'' The vicar began, with a clear confident voice.

Jack could see Alf, sat leaning on his brother Matthew. Alf was no older than fifty and yet was so riddled with such a disease he wouldn't see the next month, Jack feared. He felt his stomach knot. He watched Louise. Her face forward, her hand so sweaty in his own. He felt her shake and he knew that was from nerves, from love and from becoming the wife of someone she wanted to be with forever. Tonight, she would give herself to him, fully and he would love her, make her feel like she was the only woman he loved and yet...he couldn't face that.

''Therefore, if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.''

A sound echoed from the back of the church. It sent gasps through the guests. Someone had entered through the old rusty door.

 _Rose._

Jack's heart began to go into overdrive. _She was here._

''I'm so sorry,'' she nodded to the vicar as she ushered inside and sat at the very back, ''I did say I would fetch a bouquet.''

Louise turned back to the front. With absolutely no idea just how Jack's nerves were shot into a million pieces. He lingered as he watched her. _She had stayed._ The stare between them was magnificent. Even at such a distance, he could feel the effects of her. He bit the inside of his lip. He needed some air. He needed to speak to her. He had so many questions.

He needed her...

''Please, proceed.'' Rose said, quietly. Already embarrassed from interrupting the ceremony.

The vicar was silent for a few seconds, before returning to read a passage from the bible.

As he read, Jack stole a few glances back at Rose. She had removed her pale hat and it revealed her curls, cascaded down her back, just the way they had been when he had fallen in love with her. He saw her wipe her face with a handkerchief. She was crying.

Turning to Jack, the vicar began ''Wilt the have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt the love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?''

He turned to Louise. Her face so pretty beneath the veil. Her slim body was one he knew he would have to claim this evening, to consummate their marriage and she had saved herself for that one person. She had saved that for him. Louise was stunning, her wide and open eyes urged him to speak, to love her and to be one. She wanted him to look after her once her father passed on, to create a life here, to give her children and for her to bear them beautifully...one, two or three. They would live in a house, right there on the beach, with their children and their laughter would wake them in a morning but at night, long after they went to sleep, Jack as a husband and Louise as his wife would roll around in each other's arms, still in love and happy.

He began to slowly shake his head. His eyes fell on Alf, he was frail and weak but he had lived his life, the one which he was meant to live on this earth. Had Jack?.

''Actually-I just need to say something...''


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six:

Weddings were always dull affairs. The usual romance was enough to make even the steel stomached nauseous but Rose was sickly for another reason.

The bouquet was beautiful, made up of white lilies. She carried it as she hurried along the pavement following the sound of the church bells. She rushed up the steps and into the church with more sound than she expected to make.

It wasn't packed out, but she didn't expect it to be. There was just a handful of guests. Each one of them with their eyes on her and she felt her cheeks turn a crimson right away.

She apologised as she held up the bouquet. She had promised such a thing.

She took a moment to sit, right at the back out of the way of prying eyes and she removed her hat before she allowed herself to take a look at him.

 _Jack._

The one person she loved. Beside him stood Louise. She was beautiful in such a slender and girlish way with her straight dark hair down to her waist. Their hands were joined, they were almost one. The tears spilled right away and it was then she knew this was the worst idea she could have possibly ever conjured in her head.

She had walked away from him and left him crying for her on Santa Monica pier just two days before. She hadn't gone far...back to the hotel. She couldn't leave. She had to see him marry. For only then would it be real in her head. Once he belonged to another, that was when she would leave, forever.

As the vicar began the Bible passage, Rose wiped her eyes. She could pass it off as joy. Of course, it was far from happiness. Her stomach was in knots, her heart was sinking further and her lip was so sore from spending hours biting at it just to give her something to think of. Jack began to glance back at her. His single stare was enough to cause fresh tears to fall. He had told her that he loved her, just yesterday. He loved her, she loved him. She wanted to run out and hope with all of her heart that he followed her so that they could go away. She had given him that option the day before and he had turned it down.

Why was she here?

He wouldn't stop staring at her. His eyes connected with hers and it was as though he wouldn't allow them to waver. She couldn't stop. This was his wedding and she longed for him. Her ears were ringing, it was getting louder and louder until it deafened her. She grasped her stomach as she tried to not let out an almighty sob.

She shook her head vigorously. A sign for him to look away. _Please_ , she begged him with her eyes. _Just turn away and look at your love._

He didn't.

He shook his head.

''Actually-I just need to say something...''

Her hand came to her mouth. She watched as he let go of Louise's hand ever so slightly.

What could he possibly have to say?

…

Jack struggled for a second. His heart and his head were still pulling him in two very different directions but he was listening to neither of them. He just had to do what was right. What was the 'right thing' to do because either way an innocent person would wind up hurt. But right then, in the back of his crazy mind, he heard his own father speak, whether it was from beyond the grave or just Jack's own stupidity leading him to believe such a thing but either way he listened to the words his Father told him. _Do what you want, son. Nobody else. Do what makes you happy._

''I believe that when you marry somebody, you must love them with all of your heart,'' he began, ''Alf when you tell me stories of you and your wife, when you speak of that love and the fact you want the same for your beautiful daughter. That makes me know that true love does exist.''

Alf nodded in agreement. ''Wise, wise.''

''The thing is, sir, I am not deserving of your daughter and I never was.'' He bowed his head.

''What do you mean?'' Alf tried to stand but his brother stopped him.

''The truth is, I love you, Louise. But I have loved another before you. A long time before.'' He closed his eyes, trying so hard to find the right words. ''I believed her to have died in a tragedy. I have never told anybody this.''

''What?'' Louise pulled her veil back and for the first time he saw the shining, unshed tears in her deep, dark eyes. ''Jack?''

''I can't marry you.''

Louise's bouquet fell to the floor. Her grip loosening in complete shock. ''Jack?''

''You said you'd marry her! You promised to look after her!'' Alf found the utter strength and anger to stand using the aid of his stick and his brother. ''My little girl, her heart will not be broken!''

Louise said nothing as she openly sobbed in front of Jack. She asked no questions. He wanted to console her. He wanted to love her. He so badly did. He felt the tears shine in his own eyes. Then he glanced to the back of the church. Rose.

He could see the tears, hear the sobs and then he realised he had done the right thing. She was the one he wanted.

''I promised, yes. I promised to look after her. The truth is I meant that. I cannot go back on that. I just cannot become her husband. I am not deserving.''

''No you're not!''

Alf came to his daughter and she flinched at his touch. She believed that she would be walking from this church a married woman. He loved her. He must do.

''Do you still love her?'' Louise wiped her face.

Jack nodded ever so slowly.

''Then why did you fetch me here today? Allow me to believe we were to marry when all along you never planned to? Why get my father all dressed up? Why did it take until now?!'' Each question was screamed louder and louder until eventually Matthew took her to sit away from Jack. He comforted her the best he could.

Jack was out of breath, he was sickened and he wanted so badly to take back any hurt he had caused.

''Because I thought she was dead.'' He could offer no further explanation.

He pulled at the collar on his shirt and he loosened the tie before pulling it off in utter frustration. ''I'm sorry. For any hurt I caused.''

''Just don't come near my daughter again.''

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rose slide out of the bench before rushing out of the door. He set off after her. As he pulled the door, he saw she had taken off into a sprint. He followed her and it didn't take him long to catch up with her. His heart was going so fast he thought it would give in right there.

''Rose!''

He collared her, catching her arm with such a force that they both fell to the ground on the grass.

''Jack, no. You made a mistake.''

She tried to pull away from him.

''No I didn't. I'm not letting you go. Not this time.''

''You have no choice!''

He tried to reason with her. She fought against him to hard. She cried as she battered her fists against his chest. He caught them and she collapsed against him.

''Jack, no!''

''Yes!''

She tried to wriggle away from him once more but he refused to let her go. Her eyes were red and swollen. He had known that she had been crying before entering that damned church.

''Why come? Why come if you know I was going to marry her?''

She felt as though her stomach would pop, it ached past the point of just crying now. ''Because I couldn't help myself.'' She surprised him with her honesty.

With a heavy heart, he placed both of his hands on each of her cheeks and to his surprise, she allowed him to. Had she done fighting?

He sighed heavily. ''The reason I couldn't just leave is because, well, its Louise's father.'' He hung his head, the guilt already eating at him. ''I promised that I would look after her, after Alf died. He has cancer. Terminal.''

''I know.'' Rose sobbed, her words were almost inaudible. ''I saw him.''

She struggled to catch her breathe for a moment and she fell against him.

''That is why I couldn't just leave yesterday.''

''I know.''


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven:

It seemed to all come together in her head. It wasn't because he didn't love her, it was because he had made other promises. She was still locked in his embrace and she found that she had no strength to move. She felt safe.

''Why didn't you marry her, Jack, if you promised such things?''

Jack was silent for a moment. She could hear his heart pound as she leant against his chest. ''Because I knew I was wrong to promise those things to begin with, but at that time, it was what I wanted.'' He stroked Rose's hair and wrapped a couple of curls around his fingers, he pulled at it but not so tight that it hurt and Rose's stomach knotted. ''I heard my father when I was stood up there and he was telling me to do the right thing for myself and not for anyone else.'' He laughed as he heard his own absurdity. ''Maybe I'm crazy but that's what I did.''

Rose pulled away from Jack, she glanced at his face and with her own swollen eyes she saw the boy she had met years before, exactly as he was. ''You know when we were on the ship and I told you that I was going to leave my family, to get off the ship with you?''

''Yes.''

''I heard my father, he told me to do what felt right.'' She smiled through her tears. ''I was ready to give it all up and run away with you.''

''And you trusted it?'' He asked, with tear leaking from his own eyes.

''Yes, and I trusted you.''

His mind fell back on the time. She had become his in that moment and yet neither of them knew just what fate had in store for them. That had been the last second they had been truly happy; before the iceberg, before they lost the other. They had found each other then to be cruelly taken away.

He cradled her against his chest. She could hear his heart stammering fast.

''I love you.'' He whispered.

She heard the words so much clearer than she had any other time he had said them. It was as though clarity had set in. _He loved her._

''I love you, too.'' She clung to him. She needed him. Everything which had happened leading up to this moment seemed to fade away. ''Don't let me go.''

With her eyes closed, he found her lips and she welcomed them more than she had before because this time, there were no ties, nothing. They were free to be each others. An explosion of realisation had gone off and now there was no going back. They struggled to breathe as the kiss intensified. They failed to notice the prying eyes of the churchgoers across the street, the heartbroken face of Louise and her father who watched his only daughter weep for her love as he loved another woman.

''Louise,'' Alf breathed through the pain in his own stomach. ''I love you.'' It was dark then. Alf collapsed to the grassy floor of the churchyard, taking with him the hand of his daughter.

''Daddy, no!'' She screamed as she fell to his side.

Matthew rushed to his brothers side. ''Fetch the doctor!'' He called to the vicar. ''He's down!''

Louise kissed her fathers hand. ''Daddy?'' She called, over and over. ''I need you.''

She felt her stomach cramp but the pain. She couldn't lose her daddy. She just couldn't. She glanced over to where Jack and _that girl_ had been kissing. They were now gone. She closed her eyes as she focused all of her pain in one place and then she screamed. So loud. She deafened even herself. She was broken.

The hotel was close enough for Jack to manage to stop kissing Rose. They had walked, touching and holding as though it was the two of them who had just left the church a married couple.

They stopped just outside the front door of the hotel.

Jack leaned forward ever so slightly, so that their lips came into contact for just the briefest few moments. Rose felt her heart flutter and all of her nerves seemed to disappear. She was experiencing emotions she had never felt before. The day was beginning to take its toll on her. Gently, Jack took her right hand in his left and moved forward once again. He kissed her again with more passion than the first time. She could feel his warmth next to her, but yet she still shivered. The outside world seemed to disappear. It was just them now. No more words were needed to express what each felt towards the other. Rose felt as though there was no air. She was dizzy. She struggled and time stood still. This was the moment which she played over and over in her head and yet she hadn't managed to prepare herself enough for what would happen.

Jack wrestled with the urge to keep kissing her; he knew he couldn't stop now. She had offered hesitation but when he pulled away from her she began to struggle once again in his grip. He couldn't let her go not when he was so close.

''I can't hold it back anymore.'' He whispered breathlessly as he leant forward to kiss her. This time it wasn't soft it was hungry. They had both held back for so long. Their hands entwined and touched each other. He clutched her to him tightly, needing to feel his body press so firmly against hers. She leant against him, feeling her body ache for him so much. She was so intoxicated that she couldn't stop and they didn't care who saw. They both needed to relive the tension which had built up between them for so long. His tongue massaged hers so strongly that she felt the strength. They pulled each other so closely as though their lives depended on it. The passion which had exploded was immense and she felt the need to feel his naked torso pressed so tightly against her own. She could hear his breathe, the raggedness and the struggle which he had kept up for so long. She had her own struggle but now she felt the unhappiness drain away from her body and it was replaced by a strong need to be with Jack, an almost animal longing which only grew stronger.

She pushed him away for a moment with her right hand on his chest.

''This has been a struggle for so long.'' Her chest heaved as she spoke.

He touched her face with his palm and then he spoke to her with such sincerity her legs almost buckled. ''I fought and I lost. I can accept that.'' He kissed her forehead. ''I have felt guilty, Rose. But I have no right to feel guilty.''

Rose pressed her lips together. ''You're not guilty for anything than loving me.''

She ached for him again and this time it was her who crushed her body to his and her lips against his. He could feel himself losing control even more and he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't strong enough to. She fell against his body and he used his weight to hold her up. The kiss was like nothing she had felt before.

She roughly grabbed his shirt collar to push him away. ''Jack, we can't lose control.''

''I lost my self control a long time ago.''

Those were the words she needed to hear. He wasn't going to offer any hesitation then neither was she. He grabbed her hand and tightly threaded his fingers through hers. He literally dragged her inside the hotel.

''Lead the way.'' He told her.

''Up the first lot of stairs, second right.'' She breathed as she handed him her room key.

She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, her breathing still ragged. She allowed him to lead her without any words back down the path where she had ran just an hour before fearing she would be late to the wedding. Fearing seeing Jack marry the woman he loved. Fearing been alone.

She bit her lip still tasting his lips. He let go of her hand as he fiddled with the keys in his pockets. As he turned the key in the lock she could see his hand shake. Once inside the room, she closed the door and leant against it.

Jack grabbed her hips, feeling her curves beneath her dress. She turned around with her back against his stomach. He moved her hair to one side and trailed kisses all the way around her neck so gently. She shivered, feeling her whole body numb and tingle all over. Slowly, she turned around, taking in just how beautiful this man was. Their eyes never left each other's, and slowly, they found themselves to be leaning in to kiss. The kiss was passionate and only a taste of what was to come next. She felt his hands on her waist and he seemed to massage her hips through the dress. She dragged her hands through his hair and then stopped for a moment. He ran his index finger over her shoulder before turning her around to face the door as he slowly found he was unbuttoning the back of her dress. Slowly he managed to open them one by one as he kissed the back of her neck once again.

She closed her eyes and placed the palm of her hand against the door for support as the dress landed in a pool at her feet. Next he played with the lace on her undergarments.

She felt her breathe so ragged and she placed her left hand on her chest to attempt to calm her racing heart. It wasn't as though she was in the nude, she was wearing her underwear and he had seen this much before. She turned her back to him and he began to unlace the garment as gently as he can but still tugging on the lace causing Rose to fall backward a little. She held her hands over her stomach to stop the garment from falling to the floor when it was unlaced. He felt his hands trembling slightly, her bare back coming into view as he continued to unlace.

He could feel his uneven breathing as she turned to face him. Her curls cascading down her shoulders, wearing just her unlaced with her hands around her chest area to keep the garment from falling to the floor. She glanced to him and gave him a small smile, almost shyly. He stepped towards her not exactly knowing why; just feeling he had to be close to her. She was nothing short of perfect, and he couldn't even begin to explain the feelings which roamed around his head.

She lowered her lashes before their eyes met and interlocked and silence fell upon them for several seconds, both of them feeling their heart pound. Suddenly, Jack could take no more, he had to kiss her, and be close to her. He pulled her body towards his and their lips met. It was soft but so full of passion. Rose kept one hand over herself and placed her other around his waist and Jack touched her face as he kissed her, making her nerves flutter. Neither of them knew what this would lead to, it was as if passion had exploded inside both of them and all they wanted was the other. Jack kissed Rose's neck breathlessly and she pushed him away slightly, he looked at her a look of confusion on his face. He thought he had hurt her or moved too fast, but she ran her hand up his shirt and began to unbutton his shirt slowly one by one with the one hand. His wedding shirt. Rose bit her lip as she couldn't help but think that it should have been Louise undoing the shirt that evening.

He trembled more, looking downwards and swallowing heavily, he couldn't believe she was doing this. This was enough to throw any insecurities which she had from her head. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, she ran her hand across his bare chest and stomach. His muscles were tight from the work which he had done over the summer and he had little hair, he was tanned and the most beautiful man she had seen, she wanted him she knew that. Jack pulled Rose to him and removed her hand from her undergarment to allow it to fall to the floor and pressing her naked chest against Jack's. He wrapped his arms around her keeping their torsos pressed together, he pressed her against the wall and kissed her again, she ran her fingers through his hand, feeling her hands shake. She could feel cold shivers running down her back as he kissed her neck before slowing the kiss down as they caught their breathes. His tongue began to play with hers and he felt his whole body throb for her, for his Rose. Pressed against each other and he could feel her breasts against his naked chest, he hadn't looked, he daren't.

His hand slipped down and ran across the top of her exposed breasts. His heart was racing as he glanced downwards.

He caught her mouth once again and this time she knew he wouldn't stop kissing her. He managed to lift her into his arms and carry her to the bed. He lay on top of her and their lips hadn't parted until he got onto his knees to remove her stockings and undergarments. She felt so exposed to him and there was something so beautiful about it. His eyes twinkled in the dim light and she knew that he felt something too.

She watched as he unbuttoned his trousers and kicked them off. She held her breathe as he removed his undergarments. And there he was, naked before her. His eyes were focused between her legs as she spread them for him. In an instant he was on top of her, his mouth on hers. She felt his tongue dive deep into her mouth as tiny fiery threads ran down her spine. His hands were rough as he pulled her legs up against his sides. Hot desperate lips found her breasts and then his hands gripped them. This was what she had wanted for so long.

He tenderly touched her hair as it spread on the pillow around her face. He stopped kissing her just long enough to find her eyes.

''I love you.'' He whispered.

She felt her chest rise and fall heavily. ''I love you, too.''


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight:

 **There are bits of crude words at the end FYI**

Could a night be more perfect? A night which neither of them believed would happen again.

As morning had approached, the euphoria hadn't left their bodies. Any hole which had been open was now closed, scabs had lifted and wounds were healed.

One night eight years previous hadn't prepared them for the night which they would have. Was it possible to enjoy a person more than once, twice, three times?

After all of these years they had needed the other to complete them. Life without the other had been unbearable but now as the new sun rose over Santa Monica beach; it brought new life, happiness and adventures which had been waiting eight years to be had.

The sun had set and then it had rose again. Louise and Matthew Parker hadn't left the bedside of their father and brother, Alf.

He had gone. Taking his last breathe at midnight exactly. They were alone. A once united family were now parted and left to drift. Louise still wore her wedding gown; the beautiful lace dress which just the morning before she had girlishly imagined Jack's face as he pulled it from her body for the first time. He would have laid his eyes and his hands on her for the first time. But she remained untouched. Her heart had broken and her father had died.

She was cold and numb, and despite sat holding her beloved father's now freezing hand, she could still only think of him. Jack. Had he touched Rose last night and taken her in such a loving and gentle way? She imagined so. The resent for her had grown tenfold as those images had grown stronger and caused her to become weaker. She needed strength, to stop thinking of him and to stop wanting. Jack didn't want her.

At first, Louise had cried and then cursed but now she felt a strange calm. Her eyes fell on Matthew, her uncle, who sat opposite her, leant back almost slumped in her fathers armchair with an empty bottle of rum beside him. He wasn't really anything. Half asleep, almost awake. His body ached and his head was fuzzy but he did know one thing; his baby brother had gone. His niece, his poor beloved niece who had lost almost everything. He watched her just as he did when she was a little girl. He had no children of his own so having her there to protect meant the absolute world to him.

He laughed in the dim light at absolutely nothing but it grabbed Louise's attention. She narrowed her eyes at him. In such a situation, what could possibly be so funny?

''You do realise don't you?''

''What?'' She narrowed her eyes at him.

''You know, you know who is to blame for all of this.''

Louise glanced away. ''Don't''

''You got to listen up and face the truth, darling.'' Matthew stood from his armchair, he knocked it backwards and it startled Louise. Her heart pounded in her chest. Her breathing was shallow.

''Uncle-''

''No!'' He rattled in the corner, watching the wall so intently. ''Louise, your father trusted this guy. This man who stole everything including your heart and then he fuckin' ripped it open in front of you and God knows who else. For what? A redhead whore?''

Louise was rarely subjected to such foul language. She looked at her father, his body now so cold. They would need to alert an undertaker. She kissed her fathers hand. She needed to get some air. Dawn was breaking.

''But Jack isn't to blame for Fathers death.'' That much she believed.

Matthew turned around. ''No? I would want God to take me right now if that was the truth.''

Louise bit the inside of her lip. She was already crushed, her body was so heavy and tired yet she needed to stay awake for if she slept she knew all she would dream of was Jack.

''I refuse to believe such a damn thing.''

She turned to leave. She needed to see the new day. To believe that life would get better. Matthew grasped her by the wrist so harshly that she gasped as he shoved her so that her back was against the open door.

''Don't be a fool.'' He whispered, angrily. ''You always were a naïve soul, protected by daddy. Now he isn't here. Jack needs punishment for what he has done.''

He released his grip on Louise, leaving her trembling. She'd heard of how intense her uncle could be but the stories had fallen on deaf ears all of her life. He had always handled her with such care and affection that she would have never thought of any of it as true.

''What do you propose?'' She asked, quietly. Out of curiosity and not with intention of paying any attention to his suggestions.

Matthew clenched his teeth together, his jaw tightened. ''Can you remember the exact moment Jack told you that he loved another? Can you think of how he has made a fool out of you?''

Louise squeezed her eyes closed.

''I think he knew just what he was doing. That girl isn't nothing on you, my sweet Louise. Yet he chose that. Your daddy wanted a happy future for you and to be taken care of. The fact that was ripped from you in such a cruel way has crushed him to the point of death.''

''Matthew, stop.''

He reached out for his jacket which was perched over the armchair. He pulled out something and thrust it into Louise's hands so quickly she didn't see what it was until she felt the coldness of the metal.

She glanced down, her hands trembling as she felt the smoothness of a gun. A pistol...

''Kill him, Louise. Like he did your father.''

Her eyes met his once before she found the strength to leave. She ran. Lifting her skirts, she sprinted as fast and as hard as her body would allow her to. She needed air, she needed to be away from such bereavement. What did life have in store for her? Surely she wouldn't be succumbed to absolute tragedy, loss and unhappiness for the rest of her life.

When she had met Jack, she had believed he was her soulmate. He had been. The perfect gentleman. He rarely kissed her, had never touched her and she believed that had been out of respect, out of love and that when the time arrived he would show her what passion and lovemaking was all about. She would give herself to him wholly.

Her tears fell, she didn't stop them and she couldn't if she wanted to. Her hair fell about her face as she ran. It was only when her chest burnt and her breathing became ragged that she came to a halt. Her stomach was tight. She grasped it with her right hand and realised that she still held something in her left hand.

The gun.

Her mouth fell open as she glanced about. She was on the beach, half way into the surf. She hadn't even felt the coolness of the water or the splashing of the waves. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes scanned the surf, the odd gull flew over as the lovely sun fetched the new morn. The tide was in, quite far and it was only when she heard a giggle that she was startled. She thought herself to be alone.

A couple were frolicking in the surf, a dressed hitched up, a pair of trousers rolled to the knees. She glanced up the strong pair of legs, a mans. His hands held onto a woman, who was sickeningly happy. Another giggle came, a scream and then a male laugh. Louise froze. She knew that laugh. Out of instinct she raised her left arm. It was only when she wiped the tears from her blurred eyes than her vision cleared. It was as though she had been blind all of her life and then suddenly a flash had allowed her to see again. Perfectly.

It was _them._ Jack and _his Rose._

With her gun pointed right at them.


	9. Chapter 9

Nine:

''You know I would come out here and think of you.'' Jack nuzzled his nose into Rose's neck. She turned, enjoying the feeling of him so close. The evening which they had spent together was nothing short of perfect and now, with him so close to her, all he wanted was to never leave her side again. The cool water lapped up against Rose's knees. She didn't care that her entire dress was drenched, nor did she want to wake and never feel the early morning ocean against her skin again. It was awakening her soul in a way she never thought possible. This was how she had imagined her life to be out here, with Jack by her side.

''Is that so?''

''Yes.''

Rose found her lips on his, once more. ''Well, I am here now.''

''Don't let me go.''

She pulled at the collar of his shirt, pulling her to him and into her body. His hands grasped at her body beneath the dress, just like it had the evening before.

The clear blue ocean lapped up against Louise's knees. Her eyes didn't dare leave them. If her heart was bleeding before, it was dying now. Is this was happiness was? A man and a woman dancing; splashing around in the surf. The way Rose looked at him. The way she held onto his hand and Jack held hers. There was such an unbreakable bond if she had never seen one before. Another slice cut into her heart, her stomach, her eyes. Everywhere. Slowly everything was bleeding once more and she was cut open for all to see. Her wounds were caused by him...

Her hands shook. Her wedding dress was now drenched up to her thighs. Her jaw clenched, her stomach lurching with each passing second of seeing them together. She hadn't felt the tears which had fallen leaving thick black smudged lines from her makeup.

How could two people be so enthralled and enamoured with the other? Just a day after leaving her at the altar. If Rose would not have found him just four days before, would he be with Louise still? Would they be spending their day together, like this? Would he chase her about the surf and pull her down into the water so that he could kiss her, touch her face and tell her just how much he loved her, his wife?

Tears wouldn't stop falling. They rolled down her cheeks, to her chin and then they dropped into the ocean. Filling it that bit more. She thought she had cried all of her tears, that there wouldn't be any left to cry and yet now it seemed to be an endless stream. She continued to observe through blurred vision. In that moment, she decided that Jack never loved her. He didn't laugh with her, play or touch her like he did Rose. He didn't do anything like she was witnessing right now.

Louise noticed that her hands had stopped shaking, even though the rest of her body was still alive from the adrenaline of running, the anger of seeing the lovers embrace and somewhere in her mind; she thought of Matthew. Had she been so stupidly naïve her entire life? A soft soul who fell in love with a man who loved another was enough to anger any woman, except she felt a strange calm interspersed with the urge to hurt him so much; to take away her own pain and bestow it on him. She had lost her father and perhaps such stress had taken him early. Jack's promise to look after her was broken after all. Broken, or never existed. Her father had taken such liberties to ensure that she would be looked after in the event of his death. Now she had nothing.

Her Mother had passed, her Father, too. All she had left was Jack. This would have been their honeymoon, out here in the water. They hadn't planned one. But this would have made her happy. They would have spent a few months, just rolling around the beach, then he would have taken her home, night after night and made love to her, the way she had wanted him to. A baby would have been inevitable and then, she could have created her own little family.

Her fingers began to tingle and coldness seeped into her fingertips and her wrists. Her heart started to hammer in her chest through no control of her ow. Her wrist began to raise ever so slightly and slow until it was a 90 degree angle. A straight perfect line. Aimed at the person she knew she would have to take away from this world to bestow to such as her own.

It was only then in that second that she was seen.

A scream followed. Louise realised that it was Rose. In hearing Rose, Jack followed her gaze to find Louise pointing a gun straight at her. He jumped in front of her and pushed her body entirely behind his. She wouldn't be hurt. He grasped both of her hands in his and squeezed them so tightly. The last time they had a gun pointed at them, they had been running deeper into a sinking ship, surrounded by ice water.

''We've been through this before, remember.'' He told Rose, quietly. ''Chased with a damned gun.''

Rose nodded, her eyes squeezed closed. She remembered when Cal had chased them on the Titanic. How terrified she had been but also most of all, she remembered how much she had trusted Jack. She had taken his word as the absolute truth and refused to waver, even now. She would trust him with her own life.

''Louise, put the damn gun down. If you want revenge then come to me, let Rose go.''

She was silent for a moment as her hand stopped shaking. Through her blurred eyes, Louise could see so perfectly. Her chest rose and fell. Everything fell into slow motion.

''I do not want revenge.''

Jack pressed his lips together. Then what did she want?

''I am fed up, Jack. I thought that we had something together, that you loved me.'' Her lip trembled, the lump in her throat burnt all the way down to her stomach.

Jack bowed his head. ''I did. But I loved Rose, too. Louise, I do care about you.'' He tried to reason with her. What else could he do?

''My father is dead!'' She screamed at him. Rose held her breath. She, too had lost a parent young but in that moment all that ran through her ears was Louise's screams. The echo shattered inside her head.

Jack held onto Rose tighter.

''I'm sorry.''

''Yes.''

She stepped closer to them both, the gun in her hand so unwavering. The ocean made it difficult to move but it made her even more determined. She wouldn't be pushed around any longer. She was a woman, not a child.

''I wanted to believe that you were my family. That when the time came for God to take my father, that you would be there for me.''

Jack said nothing as he felt his breathing become ragged in his chest. He clutched onto Rose as though his life depended on it and he knew at this moment in time that it did. He wanted to remember losing his own parents and how it felt to be alone in the world but at that moment in time the only thing what mattered was Rose.

''He has done nothing wrong.'' Rose shouted out. She tried to step out from Jack's shadow but he wouldn't let her. He kept her forcefully within his own grip. Letting her step away from him would be a risk, he wasn't willing to take it.

''What do you know?'' She shifted her attention to the redhead.

''I know, everything.'' Rose told her. She narrowed her eyes as the early morning sun beat down.

''Rose, get back.'' Jack urged.

Rose stepped away from Jack but she didn't let go of his hand. She entwined their fingers ever so tightly and she wouldn't let go. She never would.

''But, it is because of you. You're the reason for everything which has happened. Not Jack.'' Louise cried. ''You took him from me and then you took my father!''

Rose felt her heart sink. She didn't know what she could do. Grief affected people in many ways but was holding a gun up to somebody and accusing them of such things one of them? She wanted to reason with her. As a woman and as someone who had lost everybody close to her. Perhaps, if she sat and listened to their story, to the things which they had endured to be with each other. But would she listen?

''Let's talk, rationally. Sit down and-''

Rose didn't have a chance to finish her sentence. A loud bang caused her entire body to shake and she fell backwards from the impact of something. She splashed into the ocean, her knees buckled. She expected to die, to see herself wilt but she didn't but the wind was still knocked from her lungs. Blood gushed about her but she couldn't understand why. She couldn't breathe for several seconds until Jack's hand in hers fell limp and then his body followed. It caused a splash and he fell backwards into the ocean, a cloud of blood surrounding him. Her mouth fell open. She couldn't comprehend anything. She glanced down at herself, her dress was red. Jack's blood. Louise had killed Jack. She turned to see his body floating in the ocean. In the Pacific Ocean. Where they had been frolicking just minutes before. Her body ran cold and in a state of shock, she felt her body hurl forward as she vomited. She couldn't stop her entire body emptying its contents in a mode which she had never been in. She couldn't breathe or see straight.

Louise had fell to her knees. The gun still held firmly out in front of her. There was a numbness which followed.

''Yesterday was supposed to be my wedding day.'' She muttered, quietly to herself.

Rose managed to get to her knees with a newfound strength from somewhere. She narrowed her eyes at Louise.

''You-'' She couldn't even speak before she retched one more time but this time it didn't hold her back. She stormed through the water as its attempts to hold her back failed. When Louise was a few yards away she wanted to lunge for her. To hurt her. She'd taken Jack away from her. She had killed him. Killed him! Right before her.

Louise screamed as she shook. Another click of the trigger ensured Rose was stopped in her tracks. She was sent backwards near **her** Jack.

Everything was red. She could taste blood. She looked around her. She had taken two lives. The story of Romeo and Juliet came to her head and she felt a strange calm for a moment. just for one moment.

In the distance, a third gunshot sounded.


	10. Chapter 10

A coffee cleared Matthew's head of the hangover which he had been nursing for two days. He picked up the morning newspaper which his neighbour had dropped off just half an hour before. He lit a cigarette and pushed his breakfast tray to one side. He scoured over the first page before he came to the second.

Something about a triple death on Santa Monica beach...

He raised his eyebrows. This sort of thing rarely happened in such a close knit community.

He continued to read, he words following each other in his head but none quite making sense.

It was a Romeo and Juliet act, apparently...

Two young women...and a man.

Matthew dropped the coffee from his quivering hands and didn't feel a scold as the red hot liquid hit his trouser leg.

It was Louise.

She had done it...

She'd killed them...Jack and Rose.

 **THE END**

 **Thank you all for reading this story and reviewing. It means a lot :)**


End file.
